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Stay Cruel

from Stray by Bambara

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lyrics

I hadn’t dreamed in years.
My nights had become lonely jump-cuts to morning.
Then I saw Miracle dance.

Pulled from my dream by a siren.
The kind of fantasy I’d spend my life in
Where she made me skin my knees at her shrine then
She kicked me in the teeth for my crying.
Hooked me on a leash and then she tied it
Tightly to a tree where her little dogs piss.

On a night like this
When a dream of her is ripped away
I close my eyes and say:

Try to stay cruel for me.
Cruel for you, baby
Cruel for you, honey
Just for another minute.
Try to stay cruel for me.
Cruel for you, baby
Cruel for you, honey
Though I don’t deserve it.
Try to stay cruel for me–
Cruel for you, baby
Cruel for you, honey

One night, I watched her pulling bits of wig from her braces
After she’d cleared all the bills from the stage.
I nearly approached her then until I saw her face,
Almost grateful, in the mirrored-wall
And I wished it would fall and shatter.

Tonight I’ll try again.

Grab the cash I’ve been saving.
Hobble to the club and start waiting.
Drink a few to keep my courage from waning
As she pounces on the pole and starts her flailing.
I’m soaked in sweat. My chest is aching.
The metal on her teeth flashes like a beacon.

I wave my cash at the stage.
She smiles, touching my hand.
I recoil and say:

Try to stay cruel for me.
Cruel for you, baby
Cruel for you, honey
No smiles, No mercy.
Try to stay cruel for me.
Cruel for you, baby
Cruel for you, honey
Can’t take no more pity.
You gotta stay cruel.
Cruel for you, baby
Cruel for you, honey
Just like when I’m dreaming.
Try to say something cruel.
Cruel for you, baby
Cruel for you, honey
Or I’ll be lost. Please.
You put that cash in my hand I’ll be cruel for you.
Cruel for you, honey
I’m ready. I’m your limping slave.
Come on you weak little man I’ll be cruel for you.
Cruel for you, honey
No kindness. No tenderness. Just cruel.
You put that cash in my hand I’ll be cruel for you.
Cruel for you, honey
Try to stay cruel.
I want to taste that meanness you sing about.
Come on you weak little man, I’ll be cruel for you.
Cruel for you, honey
Try to stay cruel. For me.
I want your leather, your steel, your heavy heel.

credits

from Stray, released February 14, 2020

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Bambara Brooklyn, New York

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